Before You @ Me
Make sure you come correct
I found myself talking the other day about how I don't mind having a discussion about my viewpoints or my thoughts, but we're going to have a discussion about what I'm actually saying. In this instance, I was referring to some pushback that I got regarding my viewpoints on a topic and I realized that they are responding to the surface interpretation of what I'm saying and not my real message.
Someone simply missing the nuance and the totality of what I'm saying is perfectly fine. I have found myself responding to my interpretation of what I read rather than the actual material. When that happens, I check my ego, go back, read the source material, and respond with an acknowledgement and apology then more appropriately and from a more educated standpoint. I'm not going to get mad at someone else being a human!
However if someone is refusing to see the nuance and only responding to what they think I'm saying, I'm not engaging in the conversation anymore. Because we're no longer having a conversation about the issue- we're having conversation about their feelings.
If you want to talk about what I'm saying, we're going to talk about the issue and we're not going to ignore the parts that are inconvenient for you to face. If you want to face an issue, we're going to face the parts that I want to bring up, too. You're going to let me talk and say everything I have to say. Otherwise it's just a lecture and not a discussion and there's nobody on this fucking planet who has the right to lecture me for shit.
I created my social media as a place for me to say what I want to say. Sometimes I'm willing to have a discussion on it and sometimes I just want to say what I need to say without being challenged on it. Disagreeing with me doesn't mean that I owe you an argument, a discussion, or even acknowledgment. Sometimes you might just have to sit with not liking what I think just like other people have to sit with not liking things you think and say.
Things you don't like are allowed to simply exist without your interference.
We can even disagree on certain areas and still stay friends. There are friends that I know have areas of growth but they're working on it. I can hold space while they grow the way my friends held space for me. Bigotry is non-negotiable but internalized conditioned responses that they are working on? You're working on problematic shit in yourself, too, cupcake đ. If we are going to demand growth, then we need to give people space to grow.
However if you're going to come at me, make sure you're coming at me for what I'm actually saying and not just your interpretation. You don't put words, meaning, or inference on my words. I tell you what I'm saying. You either accept it or don't. Otherwise, you're not interested in conflict resolution, you're just interested in conflict and I've evolved beyond you.
We can talk when you've caught up đđ