Holding Your Parents Accountable vs Blaming
What's the difference and what part is our responsibility?
I began to post this picture on Louder For The People In The Back, but per usual, it ended up a longer post so here we go!
Original picture
**I'm not a huge fan of the dismissive “grow up” part because it is rude and harsh. The picture is just meant to show what sparked this article**
❤ ‼️OKAY HEAR ME OUT FIRST‼️ ❤
This isn't to say that what we experienced is invalid, didn't hurt, and didn't affect us. Of course it did! And this isn't to absolve them of accountability, either. I will spend my life holding their accountability until they take it from me. I'm talking about the other side of this. Because as I say so often, mental health and disabilities (and yes, the trauma of childhood counts as mental health) provides context, not absolution.
If I am held responsible for how I interact with the world when it comes to my physical disabilities, my non-childhood related disabilities such as my military PTSD, I am also responsible for how I handle childhood trauma. It doesn't give me a pass to weaponize it against others, or weaponize it against myself. “Blaming” them means our parents hold all the responsibility and we have none. And as convenient as that would be, we all have some personal responsibility for how we allow what they did to dictate what we do.
Blaming them and placing sole responsibility onto them is what we do when we say "my parents are why" IF we don't follow up with "and this is what I'm doing about it". Assigning them accountability isn't blame. Assigning them accountability and refusing to try anything to heal and do better is blame. We still have a responsibility to try and do better. Just *try* within the resources and abilities you have ❤
One thing I do is try to take responsibility for how I turned out. Yes, these things shaped me. Yes, good and bad things happened to me. But at the end of the day, I am in charge of my actions and my decisions. I've been fighting my entire life to be left alone to make my own decisions. And yes, with the willingness and expectation to accept the consequences of them.
I've made mistakes. I've done great things. I've done horrible things. But at the end of the day, everything I've done has been my own. I may give context. I may give the background story. I may say what influenced those things. But I accept responsibility for any and all decisions I've ever made. My integrity is an integral part of who I am.
I used the judgment, morals, and information I had at the time. The mistakes I've made, I own them. Just like I have learned to own my triumphs.
This is my life. The good and the bad of it, this is MY life. Another one that I like is the reminder that although my feelings are valid, what I do about them is my responsibility. I'm not perfect at it. Growth, progress, effort is not perfect. Results are not perfect. But I'm not going for perfection. I'm just going for the best I can be every day
as long as I can look myself in the eye, that's what matters
someday, I will look myself in the eye and truly love what I see …
and if you're looking for a community to help you with this, join us in Libby's Loudmouths on Facebook. My “found family” safe and inclusive group for like minded people to find community, connections, and conversations. We're a diverse group of folks just looking to connect and spark change