I'm a "Nice Guy". Why won't anyone date me?
Let's look into that shall we?
I'd been in a conversation with a gentleman who wondered why he had so much trouble getting dates or companionship. My advice to anyone lonely and looking for connections:
1. Take stock of what you actually have to bring to the table. What do you have to offer somebody? This is not an insult. I want you to look at the good that you have in your life. Are you kind? Are you compassionate? Are you loyal? Are you respectful? Cool. That's the bare minimum you need to get by in society.
Now look beyond that. What else do you actually have to offer besides being a "nice guy" or a good person? Again, not an insult, a genuine question that you need the answers to ( and the answers might surprise you!)
2. Look at what you have to give a relationship. If somebody else was behaving as you do would that be enough to make you happy? Think about meeting the person that you love and you really want to make them happy. Is what you are offering going to make them happy? Is what you have to give going to be enough to sustain a healthy relationship?
3. What are your boundaries? What are the deal breakers for you? Don't just look at what you do, but what do you need? Look at why you have these deal breakers and if they are reasonable. Such as "I won't date a smoker because of my health." Not "I won't date somebody who isn't at least XX tall"
4. Do you have reasonable expectations as to what a relationship should look like? How your other partner should act? The give and take? Is conflict in the relationship “me vs you" or is it “us vs the problem”?
5. What is your emotional intelligence? Can you identify and regulate your emotions? Can you communicate clearly and without ego or pride?
6. People are just people. Some of them are going to be approachable, some of them aren't. Some of them are going to reject you gracefully, some of them are going to be jerks. And some of them are going to be overjoyed that you spoke to them because maybe they were too afraid to say something.
7. No one is judging you as hard as you are judging yourself. And if they are, do you really want them? Personally, I consider it the trash taking itself out 🤷🏻♀️
8. Take this time while you are not in a relationship to educate yourself as to what it takes to be in a healthy relationship. Communication, boundaries, consent, respect, etc. Make sure you are the kind of person who can sustain a healthy relationship
9. Get all your shit together. Figure out the future you want and how to get there. Learn to cook. Develop hobbies so you have something interesting to talk about and can be a multi dimensional person. Answer these questions. Become somebody chooseable. And then you are going to be in a much better position to find what you want.
Until then, there's no harm in just seeing what happens in life and enjoying being single. Because being single can also be very liberating and give you a chance to work on what you need to be happy in yourself, not just in a relationship