TW gaslighting, abuse
out of the blue, my ex boyfriend messages me at what would be around midnight his time Saturday (technically Sunday)
in 2019 I parted ways with him completely. and yet I get a "something made me think of you" text
Libby of 3 years ago would have cursed him out. or been shaking so hard from him contacting me that i threw up. or it would have sent me into another spiral of self doubt and self hatred. obsessively reading old conversations and getting mad all over again. revisiting the helplessness I felt
because this guy met me when I was at my most confident. I was happy. I enjoyed who I am. and then my life got completely gutted. I ended up separated from my husband (no cheating involved. polyamory) and was about to be a single mom back in the workforce
and he was there for me every step of the way. he was exactly what I needed. he is SO good at it. love bombing. faking exactly what I needed
and sure he helped me to process my divorce. and helped me get back on my feet.
and then he slowly tore me down. he was so sneaky. so subtle. over the years he has perfected his MO (I was the latest in a long line of confident women he targeted when vulnerable and then tore down). he hurt me in every way ... but he never hit me. but he hurt my daughter, too. he used everything against me. used my child against me. he tried to destroy everything I am. and it almost worked. (previously posted here Gaslighting: Destroying you from the inside)
until I got my feet back under me and remembered who the fuck I am. I remembered that I don't need any man to validate me or decide my worth.
it took me years. years to stop hearing his voice in my head. years to stop filtering my decisions through my experiences with him. years to stop getting pissed and feeling ashamed for what I went through with him.
I had barely parted ways with him when I met my now fiancee and almost ran from an incredible relationship. I almost let my ex take/keep this from me
and then this "thinking of you". what to do? what to do?
I decided to respond the next morning when I see it...AFTER I stopped giggling at his drunken attempt. just very casual, no emotion
because I knew what he was doing. he was doing what every asshole like him does. i've moved on. i'm happy. i'm engaged. and he just *had* to see if he could still get to me. if he still had any power to affect me. if i'd let him back in
because to an asshole like him, i'm not a person. i'm a toy. a diversion. something for him to break because he has nothing going for him. this guy is damn near 40 years old and doesn't have a single friend. no relationships ever last. he job hops. he doesn't have any kind of relationship with any of his children and the moment his daughter is old enough for the judge to listen to, he won't see her again.
basically he has nothing so he tears down others to feel like he has meaning
and
he
has
NOTHING
on me anymore. by the 3rd "Grey rock" response, I didn't even tense up when I saw his chat pop up. I just giggled, sat back, and waited to see what he would do
and he had nothing. I gave him no opening, and he just kind of fizzled away. I got an "awesome" when I said I was doing well (no details) and just... nothing
he can't even come up with casual conversation with me because he has no hold on me
so he went away
and I woke up this morning knowing for certain I am free of his bullshit forever
that I am whole. I am healed
and I am POWERFUL
and he is nothing to me except a closed chapter and a lesson to help others
My moment finally (FINALLY) came when I realized I was with my ex because I thought I was no good for/by myself...but it turns out, I was much better off without her. The moment you realize you WANT someone in your world, you don't NEED them...that makes a ton of difference. Ask my partner; we're at 14 1/2 years so far. It's been brutal at times, and we had to take some time apart last year, but that has made us stronger.
You're awesome, I bet MrLibbyRahl is, too, and your ex can go fuck himself with my blessings.