Personal Responsibility and Leading By Example
Part of being the change we want to see
I started to make this a Facebook post but as happened so often, it became an article 😉
Part of my growth journey is being more comfortable with taking responsibility. Part of my growth journey is telling on myself if I've done something. I don't wait for that person to find out. I get ahead of it. I mean I try very hard not to do anyone wrong, but even if I've made a mistake, I let people know. I might say, "You know, I don't think I was responding with my best self yesterday. I'd like to apologize and can we try again?"
I have 24/7 anxiety that tells me I'm about to get in trouble. Partly because I was constantly in trouble for things that I didn't understand. Either because of my neurodivergence, or the unhealthy environments I was in. And I spent most of my time trying to quiet that voice by hiding, denying, and ignoring. And all it did was cause more anxiety. I have found it's healthier for me just to be upfront. I have found that many times the consequences are far less by getting in front of it and taking responsibility right away. And I have found that people trust me more. I have found that when I make a mistake again with them, we are able to resolve it more quickly.
It also disempowers anyone who wants to use your mistakes or weaknesses against you. One of the reasons I really like the character of Tyrion Lannister is his quote of saying just that. "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you"
Hurt in this case can mean insult, but also when someone tries to weaponize it against you. No one can hold my neurodivergence against me because I'm not ashamed of it. I don't apologize for it. No one can hold my ass size against me because I'm not ashamed of it and I don't apologize for it. No one can hold my mistakes against me because I've made peace within myself about them. (And to circle back, the way I made peace is by I taking responsibility and making amends 😉)
Do I do this all the time? Of course not. I'm human. And none of us is our best selves all the time. But one of the ways I become the person I want to be is by acting as if I already am, if that makes sense? I want to be a person of integrity, so I act with integrity. And want to be a person of kindness, so I make kind choices. And the more I choose to respond in these ways, the more they become a more natural part of who I am
You become the parts of you that you nurture. I used to nurture shame. I used to nurture denying responsibility. I used nurture my anxiety. Now I nurture acceptance of myself. I nurture my integrity. I nurture my dedication and determination for growth and healing.
It makes me love myself more. And by loving myself more, it makes me less tolerant of allowing others to weaponize this kind of behavior against me. It makes me less tolerant of allowing others refusal to accept responsibility or accountability to be my problem. It empowers my boundaries.
It's part of why in my "new ten commandments", I say "be the best that you can so that you can give the best that you have to the world", but the flip side of it is that that goal causes you to raise your standards. Raising your standards means that you're holding others to them, which only raises everyone's standards.
If we encourage and model growth by taking personal responsibility and personal accountability, we raise the standards for everyone and everyone grows